Acceptance vs Tolerance In Leadership

When we talk about acceptance, we are talking about the acknowledgment of what has happened simply as is, without judgment. In other words, what has happened will not be judged as good or bad; it will simply be viewed as an experience in life. That means avoiding evaluative statements such as good or bad, right or wrong, should have or shouldn’t have, etc. to describe what has already happened.

Acceptance is important for leaders because it ultimately increases their clarity and focus, which ultimately improves their leadership skills as a whole. When we judge things or have expectations of what “should have” happened, we are creating additional stress. The response to this additional stress tends to lead to disappointment, guilt, or even frustration for what did not go your way. Those emotional responses to stress then detract from your clarity and focus, which affects your performance as a leader.

Think about how many times these negative emotions and the associated stress have gotten in the way of doing our jobs. Surely leaders out there would like to perform at their best without their emotions “getting in the way”. That is where acceptance comes in. By accepting what has happened, a leader would not be caught up in the past of what “should have been”. The leader would simply be at peace with themselves and the past, which gives them a clear head to move forward with.

Many of you might be thinking that Acceptance is not for them, as sounds like tolerance of bad situations. Tolerance leads to coping with undesirable results, which may lead to complacency with poor results. But that is not the case!

Acceptance is about gaining more control and increasing the potential for a leader to come up with a solution. Tolerance does not go that far in the process. Tolerance is simply “it is what it is” without addressing the underlying feelings of judgment. Acceptance is about not allowing the results of the past to get in the way of solutions for the future.

Acceptance is about not taking things personally, staying present versus lingering in the past, letting go of expectations, and having faith they have done the best they can. When a leader embraces acceptance from that lens, they have far more clarity & focus to perform at their very best regardless of what has happened in the past.

Let’s use an example that a leader may have in their job. If a leader has to manage an underperforming employee, they may stress out over their own judgments of their less-than-ideal performance output. They have stressed the importance of doing well to the employee many times, but it does not seem to stick. Maybe the leader ends up tolerating the fact they have an underperforming employee, but that does not address the underlying stress nor does it offer any solutions to the employee’s performance.

Acceptance on the other hand would leave the employee with less stress about the situation, as they have accepted the results of what has happened thus far. Objectively they know performance needs to be improved in order for the employee to keep their job, but the sense of judgment around it is not present. The leader is then free to see what opportunities there are to learn from the situation and make the necessary changes in their approach to the employee to improve their performance. Without the stress and intrusive negative emotions weighing them down, the leader is able to come up with several solutions to try and implement that is not rooted in fear or frustration.

That is why leaders should lean into acceptance for better overall performance in their job. It is not about tolerating “bad” performances; rather, it is about not letting the past get in the way of the present. Hopefully, that will convince some of you leaders out there to try a new approach!