Letting Go Of Expectations As Leaders

One of the more challenging things for leaders is letting go of their expectations. In other words, letting go of the attachment to a particular outcome. This makes sense, as most of us want to do well, and we get upset when that does not happen. It almost sounds counter-intuitive to let go of expectations, as that borders on being complacent with mediocrity. But that could not be further from the truth.

Letting go of expectations is all about achieving better results, not settling for less. By forming judgments over our outcomes, we are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable to added pressure and stress. That added pressure and stress takes away from our clarity and focus, which can prevent us from achieving our goals. Instead, leaders can improve their odds of achieving their goals by detaching themselves from the outcome and focusing on the processes to get there; all without the wasted energy on worrying or being frustrated due to the stress and pressure. To do that, however, leaders must let go of their expectations for their particular outcomes.

For example, if a leader has a presentation the next day with the board of directors, they are probably expecting everything to go smoothly. That might include their health (aka not getting sick), their mental clarity being optimal, technology working as it is supposed to, and hopefully, nobody asking any tough questions. Sounds pretty typical, right?

Well, what happens if one of those things goes wrong? Let’s say the technology does not work as it is supposed to; it causes a 5-minute delay in the presentation of 30 total minutes. If that leader was like most people, and their expectations were for the presentation to go smoothly, this would probably cause them additional stress and pressure. The leader then has to deal with that added stress and pressure, which causes them to struggle through the rest of the presentation by lacking the ability to be clear and focused.

The speech came to a close, and one of the board members grills the leader on the presentation with tough questions, as they did not feel the presentation was clear enough for them to understand. In the end, the leader felt like they bombed the presentation, and now has added stress around the fear of potentially being reprimanded by their boss.

All of the above occurred in part because the leader was so hung up on their expectations for the presentation to go well. The technology issue was outside of their control, which caused a chain reaction of losing focus and clarity, and ultimately caused a board member to ask tough questions due to the quality of the presentation being less than expected. The point of this example is to show that investing in our expectations can cause undue stress and pressure, especially when we are focusing on things that are not within our control.

Now let’s go back to that same leader, who also has the same technical issues that occur during their presentation. Instead of being disappointed in their expectations and derailing, they can remind themselves to focus on what they can control; stay present, and do the best they can with what they have available in the moment. The leader ends up giving a clean and easy-flowing presentation despite the circumstances and was only offered mild criticism by the same board member. The leader was able to joke about the technical issues and get a laugh out of the board directors - including the one who offered the criticism. In the end, the leader was praised for offering a good presentation by the board. The leader is happy with the result and looks at the technology issue as a learning opportunity to perform better under pressure in the future.

When we let go of our urge to tie ourselves to expectations, we tend to end up with a better performance. Without the added stress and pressure from external circumstances we cannot control, we instead focus on what we can control. We can be present in the moment, accept what has happened, and understand there is value in every situation despite the intention for the result.