Toxic Hobbies

Between 2020-2021, I was self-described golf-addict. Every chance I got, I would be at the driving range or squeezing at least 9 holes in to my weekday and weekend. I sacrificed a lot of family time, and even some work time (oops) to pursue my passion of being a better golfer.

However innocuous golf may seem as a hobby, it was the way I was pursuing that hobby that ended up being a toxic relationship for me. I was using golf as an escape from reality. I wanted golf to replace my dissatisfaction with work and lack of balance in my home life. I had no other hobbies I pursued, and solely invested in golf as my go-to hobby. Looking back at it now, that was a major mistake.

As much as I love golf, it can be a frustrating sport. That frustration was probably magnified tenfold given the underlying unhappiness and frustration I had with my career. This lead to poor rounds of golf, beaten up golf courses, and a couple broken clubs. But worst of all, it lead to a toxic habit- that my mood would be dictated by my golf game that day.

For those that golf, either they know or should know that they cannot let a bad round ruin your day. I was letting bad rounds ruin my week, let alone the whole day. I looked forward to golfing, and getting better each time. But unfortunately, that is not how golf works. Golf is not a neat & clean linear progression sport; golf is about rising, failing, and rising up again an endless number of times. Well, I could not handle that, as my mental state was fragile at the time.

Ordinary hobbies that become toxic tend to be seen as compulsions or addictions. However, in my opinion, there is not enough said as to why those ordinary hobbies become compulsions or addictions. I would imagine the biggest reason for this is to mask something underneath that makes us unhappy, such as a relationship or life situation. I found out the hard way that golf was an escape from a reality that I was not happy with. I wish I had known sooner, as I might have acted on it. My hope is that those who read this blog will catch their toxic hobbies early, as they can save themselves a lot of grief by avoiding the impending crash that comes.

How do we avoid having our hobbies become toxic? To start, by diversifying our hobbies, we have more time & energy to devote to a multitude of activities that stimulate us versus putting all our eggs in one basket; that way we can fall back on other hobbies when one becomes stagnant or unfulfilling. Additionally, we can be mindful about our hobbies we choose; be curious and passionate about our hobbies, but also notice when we choose to do our hobbies. If our hobbies are cutting into other parts of our lives in a negative way, then it is a sign our hobby might not be so healthy after all.

Mind you, there is nothing wrong with looking forward to a hobby after a long day at work or with family - just do not let it become your escape from reality. Let your hobby be a part of the reality you want to have, and do not let it absorb more of your identity than absolutely necessary.

Now I can proudly say I am a golf guy, but far from a golf addict. I play golf, but I also play pickeball, lift weights, fish, read and occasionally write. I am a more complete person now than I ever have been; and much that is owed to ending the habit of hiding from my problems by indulging in a hobby to an unhealthy extent. Hopefully, it will not happen to you after reading this.