Intelligence can get you far in your professional life. From Grade school to a good college, from a good college to a good blue-chip company or government job - a high degree of intelligence can help aid your journey upward and onward in your career.
But your intelligence - your IQ - will not get you very far if you do not also develop your emotional intelligence (aka EQ).
Think about it: if you are the smartest person in the room, but have the charm of a wet blanket, how will you expect to gain the respect and admiration of others? Without the ability to influence and inspire others, how will you be able to secure the personnel needed to do the necessary work? In short, you will not be able to make much progress ... unless you plan to do all the work yourself.
So how do you develop your emotional intelligence? Here are 3 ways you can start:
(1) Build self-awareness. In other words, build your ability to recognize your own emotions in the moment. The end goal would be to recognize how your feelings - such as anger, frustration, or fear - will affect your actions.
For example, when you have a client yelling at you on the phone, how do you normally respond? Then ask how would someone else perceive your response; what stories might the other person be telling about you based on your response? Is your response the message you want to portray?
If the answers to these questions are not what you want, then it would be time to invest in building your self-awareness muscle. Start your self-awareness practice on something easy, like email responses. Before you hit 'send' on your drafted email, ask yourself the questions above. Then, make the changes needed to draft a response that you want the other person to read and understand. An angry and direct response might be what you relatively want to send ... but having a message of proactive problem-solving and collaboration toward that goal might be more beneficial for the working relationship between yourself and that customer.
(2) Build social awareness. Similar to self-awareness, this skill now tasks you with the practice of reading and interpreting the emotions of others before responding. That might look like reading someone's body language, tone of voice, cadence of speech, etc.
This also applies in group settings. What is the atmosphere of the room you are in? Is the group of people happy and excited, or stressed and on edge? Reading the room gives you a better idea of how you should respond, both in what words to say and how to deliver your message.
One key component of social awareness is your listening skills. In my coaching practice, I help clients with the concept of intuitive listening skills. Intuitive listening is about paying attention to a person's words as well as tone and body language. Intuitive listening also means paying attention to what is not being said; in other words, what part of the conversation is being left out? What is the story within the words being said? Using your intuition when applicable is a key component of intuitive listening, and will help your social awareness skills tremendously.
(3) Build Empathy. The ability to be empathetic is something that can be taught and practiced. Some people are naturally gifted at it, while others need practice; but both parties can benefit from the use of empathy in leadership.
Empathy is the ability to put oneself in someone else’s shoes to understand how the other person is feeling. In leadership, this skill is used to build rapport with the other party as well as build buy-in down the road. Empathy used in the leadership context helps build a relationship that goes beyond the transactional nature of business we tend to fall into.
For example, if a colleague disagrees with you in a prominent meeting about the direction of where you want the company to go, you may consider having a conversation with them one-on-one to see what their point of view is on the matter. Rather than trying to convince the colleague of how right you are, try instead to learn what their side of the story is. That colleague may think that your change may cost their department time and money, which may lead to loss of jobs. This is where exhibiting empathy for their position will help.
Having EQ is the key to success for leaders today. High IQs may get you in the door, but a high EQ will give you a better chance of taking on a leadership role when the time comes.